


Lost in You

by Skaboom



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 00:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6031933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skaboom/pseuds/Skaboom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec and Jace share an intimate moment away from the world of demons, and responsibilities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost in You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray into Shadowhunters fic, so...I hope it's alright.

Alec had no idea how beautiful he was. That much was clear to Jace as he looked down at the older Shadowhunter.

The sheets were pooled around Alec’s waist, the morning sunlight catching his tan back as he lay sleeping in the bed they shared when no one was paying attention. 

It was complicated, what they were to each other, and Jace had never tried to put words to it, and Alec? Well, he never really tried to put words to anything unless he absolutely had to. He wasn’t sure how they had fallen into this pattern, but they had, and now Jace was sat on the edge of the bed, watching as Alec slept. 

The tough exterior of the eldest Lightwood fell away when he was asleep - the state of impaired consciousness causing him to appear vulnerable, something he never seemed to be when awake, when alert, and it was something that Jace admired - a softer side of the hardened soldier that he had grown up with. 

Jace admired the way that Alec’s body softly rose and fell with his breath, his muscular back appealing as ever, even in the state of sleep. He knew that Alec slept better on the nights when they were together, but for Jace, it was hard to stay asleep when studying Alec was an option. It was their own personal brands of showing how they felt; Alec was comfortable enough to let his guard down, to relax around Jace, and Jace couldn’t take his eyes off the beauty of the other. 

He didn’t know if it was love - not past the intense bond they already had, but it was something to him, something important, and something that he knew they would have trouble explaining to others. They were parabatai, yes, but it was more than that, and Jace couldn’t really remember when those lines, those feelings had blurred, but they had at some point...though he wasn’t sure he would call them blurred anymore. The way that he felt right now, watching Alec in his state of peace, was crystal clear. 

Slowly, Jace leaned down, pressing a kiss to Alec’s bare shoulder. The action didn’t have the intention of waking the other, but even when his guard was down, Alec was a light sleeper. His lashes fluttered, eyes opening, and he turned, resting on his back, looking up at Jace. 

“Hey,” he said, his voice still heavy with sleep, a frown crossing his face. “You’re dressed...how long have you been up?” 

“Not long,” Jace said. “Half an hour, maybe.” 

“Is something wrong? Do we need to be somewhere?” Alec moved, propping himself up on his elbows, the sheets falling dangerously low on his hips as he rose, and Jace found his eye drawn to the lines of the V that disappeared below the satin sheets. 

“No,” Jace shook his head. “Just couldn’t sleep any longer.”

 “Are you alright?” Alec asked, concerned, eyes studying his lover for an answer before Jace even got the chance to open his mouth.

“No, I mean...I just...I don’t want to lose you. Sometimes I have these dreams…” Jace looked down. 

“I know,” Alec nodded. “I...sometimes I have them too.” He sat all the way up, moving up, his back resting against the headboard. “What we do is dangerous, Jace. It’s...a probability that one day, one of us will lose the other.” It didn’t need to be said that, of course, when that happened, whoever survived would lose a part of themselves as well. 

“Don’t...just don’t right now, okay?” Jace said, moving close, climbing into Alec’s lap, straddling him. “Turn off that part of yourself right now, the practical, realistic Alec, and just tell me that we’ll be alright,” he said. 

Alec reached up, his hand on Jace’s cheek, gently stroking it. He leaned up, kissing Jace softly. His lips felt, tasted familiar, and Alec breathed in the moment, just as he did every time, because he knew that what he had said before was true - what they did was dangerous, and that one day, one of them wouldn’t be there anymore. He wanted to take in all he could before that happened. 

“We’ll be alright,” he said, the lie sliding easily off his tongue at the request of his lover. He wanted to protect Jace, to keep him safe, and maybe he would be able to do that, but it was difficult, they were bound eternally. If he died, even protecting Jace, a part of Jace would die with him. They were in a seemingly impossible situation, and it hurt. 

“You’re thinking about it again,” Jace said, reaching up, his hand on the back of Alec’s neck. 

“No, no, I...I mean…” he looked down at Jace’s thigh. “I guess I am, yeah.” 

“I’m here now,” Jace breathed. “We both are. Nothing in our lives has ever been easy, but this...it’s worth fighting for.”

They both knew that they had to keep this between them. As parabatai, things weren’t supposed to go this direction, but...their connection was strong on every level, and they had pushed these feelings back as long as they could before submitting to them. 

Alec leaned up, once again kissing Jace. It was hard for him to put how he felt into words, but physical action, that was much more...comfortable for him. He didn’t like the future options they had, because there was only hardship down the road for them, but for now, in this moment, Jace was right. No one and nothing felt more like home to him than Jace did, and he had to hang on to that - they had to hang on to that. There was a good chance that, yes, things would explode around them and tear them down in ways worse than what Alec could even imagine, but right now...right now what they had was real, and it mattered. He wasn’t ready to let go. 

Alec paused, he took a breath, then another. His hand fell to it’s resting place on Jace’s cheek, and he gazed up into those beautiful, heterochromatic eyes, gulping before speaking. “I love you, Jace,” he said softly.

That brought forth what Jace had been unsure of earlier. Was this love? They hadn’t put those words to it until now, but Alec’s tone, and his gaze, both unwavering, told Jace that the older Lightwood was certain of what he was saying. 

Their passion was intense, they would die for each other easily, they grew up together, they KNEW each other, mind, body, and soul. Maybe Jace couldn’t say for sure, because he had never felt it before, but if that - if _this_ \- wasn’t love, he didn’t know what possibly could be.  

“I love you, too,” he said back, his voice soft. 

Alec said nothing in return, he just pulled Jace back in for a deep, passionate kiss. 

Yes, they both knew what dangers lay ahead for them - both with the underworld, the Clave, all of it, they knew that this romantic love broke the rules of their parabatai vow, but neither could fathom what they would do if they didn’t pull each other in closer when the world felt dark, so that’s what they did. 

Alec pulled Jace in close, kissing him long and deep, brought the sheets up around them, and together, just for a few moments, they disappeared from the fears of the future, the worries of their responsibilities, and became lost in each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it!


End file.
